It Ain't Easy Looking Like Santa During the Holidays

Day 19

It's not easy looking like Santa Claus around November and December or even in January. All of you portly men out there with the gray or white hair and beard, know what I am talking about. It's a difficult responsibility to represent a true icon of the season. Even if you don't do it professionally you have a certain level of decorum that must be upheld, that is to say, you must be good for goodness sake.

When strolling through the local shopping mall (not for the faint of heart) some finger pointing, toothy grins and whispering are to be expected. Also swarms of children gathering around you, making a quick escape near impossible. If you should fall prey to the joys of young children confiding in you their most secretive desired toy for Christmas, the one they won't be able to live without, expect two unpleasant possibilities.

The first possibility is the shop keeper, who is paying a professional Santa to draw the children and the parents into his store, will call mall security and accuse you of being a wanted felon. Thus eliminating the competition for the tykes attentions and drawing them back into his store where the real Santa is waiting with candy canes and promises of on time deliveries from the store.

The second possibility is the child will ask for something the parents have no desire or ability to purchase. This will place you between a persistent child and the tired, quick tempered parent(s). A wrong answer here results in a crying child; or a parent who wants to do you bodily harm. Either way it will most likely attract the attention of the glory seeking mall cop. Which will result in your detention in a small white room smelling of cheap cologne from the teenager who was trying to shoplift some costume jewelry for his imaginary girlfriend. A most unpleasant way to spend an evening.

Then there's January. When disappointed children run up to you and grill you for answers explaining why they didn't receive the requested item for Christmas, or why should they be "nice" if Santa's not going to come across with the goods? After a swift kick to your shin they walk away. But take heart it's nothing personal. Their anger is for the mall store Santa. If you see the lying jerk I say pay it froward and kick him in both shins and let him know who it was from.

To avoid the discomfort my suggestion is; Just for Men hair dye, or hibernate until spring when the season of good will toward men is over. If neither of these solutions appeals then my third option is go to your local thrift store and purchase some soccer shin guards.

Until tomorrow then,

Ken