The charm of a small town is that living slows down considerably. Most people take the time to get to know there neighbors. We go fishing and hunting, canoeing and hiking. Golfing is also an option. There's almost always a festival here or in a town nearby. We have craft shows, airplane fly-ins and much more.
When my nephews and nieces from downstate want to relax and slow down for a spell, they pack up
Dinners can be a large gathering, depending on how many family members and friends are visiting. Of course, I can always be counted on to show up for dinner.
Let me say here, I am an advocate of families sitting around the table for meals and discussing events of the day. But on these occasions this just isn't possible due to the sheer number of people. So the youngsters usually sit off in the living room while the older ones sit at the table.
In my brothers family there are currently two nurses with a third budding nurse currently in college. So when we're sitting at the table and these two ladies start talking and exchanging personal work experiences, things can get a little...uncomfortable. They believe deliberating on a patients abnormalities and bodily excretions is interesting to all, even during dinner. I must confess I have turned down a second helping after exposure to their confab.
When they get rolling about some of the more unpleasant things their patients have done, I like to talk about my hemorrhoids. Too intimate for casual discussion? Certainly. Improper for dinner conversation (which is immediately pointed out)? Yes, of course.
But it does tend to curtail the discussion of the medical vagaries of some patients. Bringing relief for those of us laymen who are squeamish about such mundane (or just plain gross) matters.
After dinner it has become our habit to go in for a card game. Normally we play a game called Five Crowns (if you have never played it is great fun). It's how we pass the time here in Smallville.
First rule: If you want to play, you have to put your smart phone away.
Now I enjoy many of the modern conveniences such as a laptop computer, the internet and a portable mp3 player. I also have a Kindle Fire tablet. I have a cell phone (not a smartphone). And I understand a new generation has it's own nuances. Though I will never understand texting. Why not just call someone if you wish to talk?
Along with these marvels we can now have face to face conversations over the internet using either a tablet or computer, with a camera and microphone. The future has arrived.
Back to the story. As we are playing cards and getting a bit rowdy, as we often do, my 16 year old niece is talking on an IPad (tablet) to her boyfriend. As per tradition, dating back to time immemorial, we had some fun at my nieces expense, when her cousin snatched the tablet from her and walked around introducing her new beau to the family.
It was too good to pass up this opportunity. So I loudly expressed that my hemorrhoids were flaring and would someone get my doughnut for me. Also, that it was too soft and needed to be blown up. Someone yelled that my niece was getting it and would be back to her boyfriend as soon as she had adjusted it for my comfort.
I also requested some baby wipes, as the gas I had just expelled felt a bit wet, and I might need to clean my sensitive area before continuing with the game.
We haven't had so much fun since my nephews brought their gal pals up for a weekend and I made baked beans for lunch. The boys each had double helpings as they're the best baked beans in the county.
As you might imagine, the card game was called after two hours because no one could read their cards on account of watery eyes. Also, all of the players kept leaving the game to step outside for some fresh air, when the ceiling fan kept circulating the same nasty air. I'm sure you'll understand, there was no hanky-panky under the moonlight that night.
The boys thought it was great fun but we never saw the girls again. A young love, so fickle.
About now your probably thinking me uncouth or heartless (unless your an uncle then your applauding my genius). But as I have previously remarked, it has been an uncles job, since before time, to embarrass his niece/nephew in front of her/his friends. Especially, a potential suitor.
In truth, it is simply my way to welcome a potential new member to the family, and to let him/her know, just what kind of family he/she is getting involved with. I'm only trying to break them in slowly. After all, if they think my hemorrhoids are disgusting, wait until the nurses get started.
Anyway, I figure if they stick around after all that, they might just be a keeper.
Ken
No comments:
Post a Comment