During my time in the Mediterranean I had many adventures, but those are for another time. After 4 1/2 months we were told we would be coming home early.
I need to stop here to explain shipboard entertainment. We had a stereo cassette player, we decks of cards and we had movies. Some of the movies were old classics, some were not yet released to theaters (a benefit of fighting for democracy). Back in the early eighties we used reel to reel film projectors shown a pull down silver screen. We would upgrade to VHS shown on a TV within a few years.
Picking a movie was a big deal. Everyone had a favorite in mind and would shout out their selection, The rookies (new guys on board) were then sent to get the movie from the large pile in the bow (front of the ship). On this occasion about 100 movies were stacked beneath the escape hatch. The only thing more useless on a submarine than the escape hatch was the emergency marker buoy. This was a 6 ft x 3 ft x 2 ft orange float that would be released in the event the ship sank a DSRV Deep Submergence Rescue Vehicle would follow the attached cable down to the escape hatch and the crew would be rescued. The only problem was the resue buoy was welded to the hull and couldn't be released. The government didn't want the Russians to find an intact US submarine before the US did. More on this at another time also.
The rule concerning retrieving the movie from the bow that many rookies didn't know was "If you go and get it, you get to choose it". As long as you can get it on the projector and started before someone objects to the movie and stops you from showing it. Several methods were used to try to show less desirable films. The all-time worst movie was "I Am The Cheese", not I Cut the Cheese, we would have loved that movie no matter how bad it might be. Some ways to show a movie before being vetoed. 1. Cover it with a blanket and hope no one checked. 2. Run the blockade like a fullback 9Too many people got hurt. 3. (My favorite) switch the film with a popular film so the guys thought they were getting one movie but really they were getting another. Once it starts it stays as long as you can keep someone from stopping it.
Back then we did have teaser trailers on YouTube so we could see what a movie was about and if it looked worth watching. We had to guess by the title. There was a movie on board called "A Christmas Story". You know the story of Ralphie and the Red Ryder bb rifle. Not an exciting title but I was ready for some Christmas. All we knew about this movie was it was rated G. That meant no T&A. Try showing twenty-five, late teen and early twenties, randy young seamen, a movie that doesn't show T&A. A near impossible task. Although there was a leg lamp.
I tried for five days to show this movie. It became my Moby Dick, my white whale, without T&A. Finally, I hired several of the more persuasive members of the crew, but it came at a heavy cost, three packs of Marlboro reds. It was worth it. My minions cordoned off the area around the projector, my fingers faltered as I tried to thread the film. The crew was getting restless. Finally I cried, "Smoke the flick." And it was off and running. Some guys left but most stayed. Some even congratulated me on my moxie. It took only a few minutes and the film was an instant cult hit. That movie held the record for consecutive showings at 12. There was a short hiatus and the film ran again for another 5 days. We learned we would be home for Christmas. And all was right with the world.
Until tomorrow,
Ken
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