Day 275
I watched Blended starring Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler for the first time this afternoon. I don't understand why it was trashed by the critics. I loved it. That moment near the end when the situation always goes wrong before being set right again. It made me think of something that happened to me a long time ago. A defining moment, quite literally, a missed kiss.
I was in the eighth grade and making quite a name for myself as a writer in my English class. Let me add something here, the school I attended from kindergarten through the 8th grade was a small school called St Pauls Lutheran School. The student body consisted of 300 pupils give or take a few. There were twenty eight kids in my graduating class.
My class was made up of ten cool kids, ten not so cool kids and about eight who were indifferent and just trying to get through to graduation. As I said earlier we were working on composition in class and I found I had a certain knack for writing. I wrote stories even the cool kids couldn't wait to hear. After performing a short one act play that I had written, the class decided we should put on a real play and in front of the whole school. I was chosen to play one of the four lead roles. The part of the shy Prince pretending to be a servant.
Most of the second act was just me and the Princess, played of course, by the most popular girl in the class. The fact that she was popular didn't really phase me as we had both been attending the same school since kindergarten. If she bore any fondness for me, she hid it well. Still I was not intimidated. I was the master of storytelling, so acting would be a piece of cake. Or so I thought.
Toward the end of the second act I was to pick her up, then slowly set her down, take her in my arms and kiss her. We went through a couple of readings and one rehearsal and the teacher/director let us slide on the kiss. BUT she promised great retribution should I fail during the play. We would only get one shot at it.
OK. I was intimidated by the kiss. It wasn't that I had never kissed a girl before, I had kissed my cousin when we were nine years old, at my brother's high school graduation party. It hadn't been what I was expecting. There were no fireworks, no warm and fuzzy feelings and certainly no weakness of the knees. But that was my cousin, in the dark, alone. I was suppose to kiss the most popular girl in the school (possibly the state), in front of 300 students, some of who were my friends, and the school faculty and staff, including the janitor. And to top it off, some of the parents would be there, including my costars mother. This would make St Pauls history.
For a few years it became a tradition at St Pauls Lutheran School for the eighth grade class to put on a play. But ours was the one most remembered and talked about for years afterward.
I was so wound up standing back stage during the first act, that I had to go to the bathroom several times. The teacher thought I had chickened out and flew the coop. One of the actors from the first act was upset that I didn't see his whole performance, I tried to explain that I was too nervous to stay in one place waiting to go on, but he wouldn't listen. I was even more upset and it was my turn to go on. I entered stage left to some courtesy applause. When I heard that I just relaxed and started to have fun.
Everything went well up until I had to "sweep her off her feet." I moved closer to the most popular girl in school, slipped my right arm around her waist and my left behind her knees and lifted her in a classic lovers twirl, before gently lowering her to her feet again. I moved away and delivered my line on cue. I then stepped closer to her and looked deeply into her eyes, prolonging the time before our lips would meet.
Right then several images flashed through my mind; my christian upbringing, several hundred people in the audience including the pastor and my costars mother, watching with what I can only imagine, were disapproving eyes. But I was an actor of the highest caliber. I pushed all of these things to the back of my mind and leaned in for the kiss.
Just then she whispered, "Oh my God."
Three little words completely shattered my confidence. I missed her lips and kissed her on the cheek.
The rest of the play was a blur. Somehow I was able to recite my lines and hit my marks and at the end I was given a standing ovation from the staff and students (quite possibly out of sympathy) and an approving smile from my costars mother. Our pastor had the same disapproving grimace chiseled on his face. He looked at me and just shook his head.
Afterward I would rationalize that the failed kiss was for the best. If I had actually kissed her, she would have developed a crush on me and started sitting next to me in class. Then all of the cool kids would be hanging out with us and my friends would feel betrayed. But everything remained as it should. The cool kids shunned me and my friends teased me the rest of the year until we graduated and I never saw most of them again.
Later in high school I took an acting class. I was suppose to walk onstage and kiss a girl, playing my wife, as though I were just coming home from work. This was to be my defining moment, sweet redemption from that embarrassing kiss three years before, when I had failed so miserably. I walked on stage and instantly thought of my girlfriend and betrayal. I broke off and ducked right, away from the girl with the quizzical look on her face. My acting career was at an end.
Clint Eastwood once said, "A man's got to know his limitations."
I guess my limit is kissing a girl in front of a lot of people. Maybe that's why I never married.
Until tomorrow,
Ken
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