Can you hear me now?

Day 279

I was trying to finish some work on my laptop, when the phone began it's annoying ring. I tried to ignore it, but it was insistent so I checked the caller ID and saw that it was my brother Tom. Tom is a cross country truck driver and having spent four years criss-crossing these United States myself, I know how boring it can be when you are all alone on the road, mile after mile, hour after hour.

So I composed myself and in my most supportive and comforting tone I said, "What the hell do you want?" No response. At first, I thought it was the cut rate cell phone service he uses wasn't getting a strong signal. It's that phone company that's trying to convince us it's as good as Verizon by paying a disgruntled ex-employee to say they are just as good. Yeah, right.

"C'mon bro, I got work to do here." Still nothing, just some static and occasionally a faraway voice.

"If you can hear me, I can't hear you. So call me back." I hung up and went back to work.

I made myself some lunch and started to eat when the phone started in again. It was Tom. "Hello," I said. "Can you hear me now?" Mocking the guy who used to work for Verizon, except, I got no answer. Finally it occurred to me, he had butt dialed me. He didn't know I was on the phone. So I decided to play a joke on him. I took a deep breath and made the loudest fart noise I could into the phone.

A second later I could just barely hear him say, "What the hell?"

I waited a minute and did it again. This time there was just quiet static. I was just about to do it again when, suddenly, there was the loudest, thundering noise coming over the phone. It was a noxious, wet sound. My brother's ass was talking back to me and it was awful. I swear I could smell rotten eggs coming through my phone. My eyes teared up, my throat closed as I began to cough. Then I heard a laugh like a hyena and I knew I had been setup.

"Hey, flaming burrito brother. What the hell have you been eating?" I shouted.

"What's wrong?" Tom chuckled.

"For chrissake, my eyes are burning!"

"If you can't stand the heat, little brother, stay out of the kitchen."

"I don't know what your baking in that kitchen but it's radioactive."

We both laughed and talked about our favorite truck stop restaurants and some of the worst meals we had on the road. After awhile I asked why he was calling me. He said he must have had a "brain fart" because he couldn't remember. I told him next time, don't let your "braying ass" do the talking.

The deep, meaningful conversations between brothers, never cease to amaze.

Until tomorrow,

Ken